First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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