Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Randomize
