I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
