I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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