I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
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