He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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