So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
