i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
