Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
