did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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