I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
