last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
