You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
