True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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