sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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