You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
