She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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