Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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