Your mouth is God's brothel.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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