is wine microwaveable?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
