Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
