i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Only a mothe r could love this liver
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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