Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
