I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
