when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
