make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
