Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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