Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
