i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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