Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
