my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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