peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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