i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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