I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
