we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
