I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
It's blow job season.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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