Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
