Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Someone signed my nipple.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
