Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
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