Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
