Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Houston, we have a squirter
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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