i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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