Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
