Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm at about main and main street
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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