i just google imaged poop.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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