Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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