Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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