Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
