The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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