i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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